Are you bringing out the best in others?


Family members, friends, and business partners are just a few people you care about. When they need help, it’s a given that you are going to make an effort to lend them a hand. But when they are doing fine, are you going to be there to encourage them to take their lives to the next level?

Not only do you need to bring out the best in others, but you need friends that also encourage you. You won’t get anywhere if you are around people who bring you down, or bring out the worst in yourself. Especially in terms of a long-term commitment like a life partner or a major business partner, you want to make sure you are around people who influence you in the right way, or have good energy so you are at your best.

Now the question I have for you is how do you bring out the best in others? If you push someone too hard it can make them angry and cause them to not change. So what tactics do you recommend using to bring out the best in others?

P.S. If you want help with your business go here.


  1. Cheering others on is a good thing to do. Especially if others see you cheering, they might start following along and do the same.

  2. I think the best bet is to make it big and set a good example. I know it’s a bit passive.

    Some people are just going to feed you “Yabbit Stew” no matter what! I’ve seen it and it boggles my mind so I can’t put it out to them any more.

    I say lead a happy & successful life and when a crisis hits hard, a person you know & love MAY come around and want to know how you did it and finally have that drive too.

    I think most people have very little driving them to do any better than they are. I have found what it takes for me and I am DRIVEN!

    I really like having others ‘cheering me on’ yet I’ve had so very little of it ever and I really am self-motivated and when someone give me the ‘it’ll never work’ I just say right back “Watch Me!”

    Thanks for asking,

    Pam Hoffman

    • Thanks for the input Pam. I also haven’t had tons of people cheering me on and am still motivated. But how can we motivate others? I understand that they may not have the drive, but how can we find out what makes them tick so that they have the drive?

  3. Dorian Collier :

    First and foremost, lead by example. Work hard, and don’t BS.

    Second: always acknowledge accomplishments, big and small.

    Third: Speak from the heart and make sure they feel it. Let them know you care about them, what they do, and you want to see them succeed.

    People can learn to use their natural strengths in ways that propel them forward. I try to acknowledge natural talents and find ways to help them use those talents to reach their goals.

    • I like the first and second points. They seem to work well.

      As for the third point, it works well with some people and doesn’t work with others. In some cases you have to tell people what they want to hear to get them motivated.

      • Dorian Collier :

        “…tell them what they want to hear…”?

        Sounds simple, but it could mean many different things. Please elaborate.

        • For example if you have to tell white lies to make people move or be motivated, sometimes it is worth it. Can’t think of an example off the top of my head, but hopefully that makes sense.

        • I know what you mean about the “tell a white lie.”

          My family has been involved with business ever since the early ages, my great-grandfather operating factories in India, although I can’t speak for earlier generations, I can say that I try to motivate my employee’s with any compliments I can give them, but sometimes I have to tell a white lie to get them to perform at a higher level.

        • Good example. One thing with employees though if you say they are doing well even if they aren’t, they may get lazy.

  4. :

    Hey Neil,

    I used to get frustrated by this too sometimes when i have the perfect solution and someone won’t change. I think I offer advice too much sometimes even when it’s not asked for ๐Ÿ™‚

    Now days I’m trying to just ask them the right questions, and let them come to their own conclusions. I forget what its called but people are more likely to do something if they think it was their own idea…

    Good topic.

    • I have also faced the same problem… I hate it when people will not change. What I try to do is get tons of people to push the idea and concept to them. Sometimes it is better when people hear things from others.

      • :

        An intervention?? Haha.

        • LOL! I think that is the best solution I have heard so far.

        • lol, that was the best skit I’ve seen about the internet ^^

          • I’m guessing you haven’t seen the Internet board meeting skit on college humor?

        • omg, that was hilarious! myspace needs to listen to others

        • That was awesome! Most of the time, people are motivated by what they are ging to get out of it, if you cna help them understand “that” they respond. It’s like helping a fat friend, if you can show themthat by losing weight they will be able to play with others, possibly get a date, or go surfing, they might make the change to change, there is however the “love me the way i am” friends, and for them you simply have to identify with them and encourage them to be better at what they want to be better at.

          • dude use spellchecker

          • It always seems that the “love me the way I am” friends are hard to change. Primarily because you first have to point out why they need to change. With those type of people, going slow usually works the best. If you push them too fast, you probably will not have much luck.

            By the way, no worries on the typos. ๐Ÿ˜‰

            • The fact is that people will do what they “see” is in their best interest. Have you ever had a friend who will do nothing about a certain “issue” until it becomes an issue, then they get mad that no one told them about it and that you are a terrible friend because you never told them, yet in hind site you had mentioned it multiple times, yet they didn’t want to hear it.

            • LOL, I totally have a friend like that. When you try and warn them ahead of time they ignore you and once it becomes a problem they get mad at you for not warning them (even though you did).

  5. I agree with most of the replies, leading by example is best way to motivate people, its often impossible to force people to get motivated. Motivation is the energy that is released from within, therefore only the true holder can unlock it.

    Although you can help you peers unlock the energy by helping them build confidence, providing recognition for accomplishment and milestones they have reached and setting goals with “small wins” in mind aka rewarding people for small milestones they reach until a completed goal or project is completed.

  6. Neil

    I think this is an important post…. because I feel that often times people resent seeing their friends and family have success (especially if they are not seeing it themselves)

    I think the first thing is for ourselves to accept the fact that the success of others in way threatens or diminishes our own success.

    I think once, we get past this emotional block… our desire to see our friends and family succeed further will be more pure… and hence more easily communicated.

    I also agree with the other commenters about leading by example.

    And of course Dale Carnegie’s classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is essential reading for anyone looking to bring out the best in others.

    • Never thought about “resentment”. A lot of the people I know get jealous of their friends success. This can either make them hate their friends or encourage them to get up off their ass and try to be successful.

  7. i meant to say “in no way threatens or diminishes our own success”

  8. I can say this much, Neil you are sure bringing out the best in others! Thanks for the chat dude.

  9. Jeffrey Posner :

    Leading by example is always good but there are plenty of times where this will slow productivity. You have to be able to delegate with power and respect. A lot of times this comes from earning it with leading by example, but there is a time in where you must shift into a leadership role on a more permanent basis.

    I worked on and at many startups early in my career and I noticed a common problem where the leader of the company couldn’t let go of the individual day to day operations and concentrate on moving the company forward. They were doing alright and would continue that pace, but too really sky rocket potential the leader was going to have let go of the daily responsibilities and learn to trust them to others. (Which is usually the biggest issue – letting go?)

    Also, by instilling these new responsibilities on people you are motivating them with your trust, which is very powerful if they respect you.

    I try not to push people too hard, but people seem to always need it, the best advice I can give about not pushing people to hard is:

    Learn how to read people and get to know them. If you really know your workers as people, not just workers…you will probably be able to tell if they are about to pop. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. IMO, To encourage some one there is no word to define. But i must say his output brings for an individual 100% confidence.

    • Not sure if I get what you are saying. I get that you can’t define it in words, but what do you mean by “his output brings for an individual 100% confidence”?

      My personal output probably will not encourage others too much and other people’s output will probably not encourage me. I also don’t see how it boosts other people’s confidence. But my own output may boost my confidence.

  11. Nicaragua Surf Man :

    This is a tough one. Every time I approach someone to be a partner in some business adventure it rarely turns out well. Usually the first couple turn out o.k., but sooner or later I always feels like the other people don’t put as much effort into things.

    Heck their probably saying the same things about me too.

    • You shouldn’t try to judge a partner by overall output, but instead see what value they provide to the business. If they are doing stuff then you can’t do, then the partnership is probably made to be.

      • CCNA Training Videos :

        Very true… it’s not always about tangible things (i.e. output). Sometimes it is their energy, their ability to motivate others, to close the deal, to network effectively, to handle things you can’t/won’t/don’t like to do.

        As long as the relationship is a symbiotic on, and you’re better with them there than without, then it’s a good one. If you’re better (more productive, more confident, more energized) when they’re not there, then it’s time to cut them loose.

        • I never really thought about energy… but that is probably one reason I am doing alright. A lot of the people I hang around with always have good energy.

  12. Online Shopping :

    Good stuffs and work will be cheered by everyone.
    Appriciations should be given to one dat made a great job.

    • Cheering and showing appreciation works well. But what happens when they aren’t doing a great job? Pushing them always doesn’t work and showing appreciation also won’t work in that scenario.

      • Dorian Collier :

        This is something that I handle very differently with friends vs co-workers and business partners. I only bring a friend’s shortcomings to the table if it’s appropriate. If they’re happy with who they are, so am I.

        In business, expectations must be made clear. We have to openly discuss what the expectations are, and talk to the people aren’t cutting it. These issues must be addressed openly and immediately IMO.

        • Totally agree. In business things have to be more cut throat. In personal situations it is all about making the other party happy.

  13. It is all about positive reinforcement. I am the cheerleader for a lot of my friends; hell, I am even blond and tend to bounce around. Particularly with my artist friends, I find that I feed and nourish them with my words. No matter how big they get, people love and need to hear: “Hey, I love your stuff, you have talent, keep doing it.”

    Just one note: think of the cheerleaders in YOUR life- because sometimes we need inspiration too. We need to hear YEAH you can do it! So don’t forget to feed your cheerleader with positive words as well.

  14. wow couldn’t even read the post too busy looking at the picture.

  15. I live by the 3 C’s. Commend, commend, commend. You can never go wrong when you commend someone. The only time you can go wrong is when the commendation is not real. Be sincere and you will find that they will bring out the best in themselves and this will encourage you.

    • You are totally right. Problem is too many people have a different 3 C’s concept: Command, command, and command. This is one reason why the world is messed up.

  16. Positive reinforcement is key, not only to produce a job well done but also to create a healthy work environment.

    And in experience, females are much much better at this than males. Guys you need to step up!

    • You are totally right. Guys have a much harder time bringing out the best in others. It is probably because females more sensitive.

  17. I think we should appreciate people around us aloud for what they are best at. Every time when they perform at good level, they deserve to know that they have done well. We also should openly appreciate help from others. I mean I have seen many times that people usually take help but do not appreciate it in a big way saying that “Ok, that was also in my mind!”. Instead of that we must be thankful in a good way. This has worked for me. People get close to you in this way and treat you as an honest person. I never forget to appreciate people genuinely whenever I can. “Thanks” is a magical word and “You have done it wonderful, Great job” brings miracles.

    • Showing appreciation is very effective as long as you don’t show too much. If you start showing too much it may not mean much. I guess it is all about finding a good balance.

  18. I think that by encouraging people to improve themselves you will be building your own solid enviroment where to grow both as a person and professionaly. Networking should start at home!

  19. Armen Shirvanian :

    The process of bringing out the best in others really starts to get working when a cycle begins where the others are supplementing your own movement of giving. Then, you start to get results for your assistance.

    • The results are great, but the problem is getting to accept that others are trying to help you out. Most people are closed minded and don’t like taking input from others.

  20. Vakfรƒโ€žร‚ยฑkebir :

    I did too, I am a huge Neil Fan, just subscribed to your feed, you should check out mine.

  21. Kenney and Kim :

    Now Neil…are you implying that these girls bring out the best in you? lol ๐Ÿ˜‰ Nice post. You always keep me thinking.

  22. Express appreciation for what they are already doing and encourage them to become better at what they are doing – kaizen!

    • The cool thing that you find out after you start encouraging your friends, is that they will do it to you as well.

  23. helping other people is definitely the best way to help yourself long term

  24. Custom Silicone Bracelets :

    If they are in a good position in life tell them that they are doing good. Take them out for drinks or lunch or something and discuss how they are doing so well. Then if you have any ways to increase them tell them your ideas. Being casual and having fun is the best way to move to the next level.

  25. The Work At Home Blog :

    Create a professional logo and theme with their name for that individual if they are trying to build a business for encouragement. I think stuff like that uplift the spirit in people. Nice post Neil!

  26. This is an important point to remember once you have employees. It may seem that the ‘slave driver’ approach will get the most out of you workers but take a leaf out of Googles Book and give them a bit of freedom and encouragement.

    • Right, that’s the last type of person you want to be (slave driver) There any many many more productive ways to go after this approach.

  27. Another great post neil i bring out the best i always cheer people on i never hate if your a millionaire i feel good for you just remember ill be there one day right along with you.

  28. its complicated to actualy know how much influence you can get on others, ask my parents,when i was a teenager, at least thats my opinion

  29. well, many times i boosted my friends and my students, in their studies, but actually its a good one to help them others. Because if we had problem, they may help us to bring out.

  30. recording studios uk :

    Why are some people so good in bringing the best out of every person ?!?

  31. I think the first thing is for ourselves to accept the fact that the success of others in way threatens or diminishes our own success.

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