The 10 Secrets That Make Networking Easy, Fun and Ridiculously Effective

networking secrets

After ten years of being an entrepreneur, I’ve learned a thing or two about networking. One of the most important things I learned is that networking is a lifestyle. It needs to be worked into your DNA so that you are networking at all times, effortlessly and happily.

When you treat networking as a lifestyle, you don’t get anxious when you see a stranger at a conference, when the phone rings or when you’re waiting in a long line.

What you see and feel is opportunity. So, let me share with you ten networking secrets that will show you how to take those opportunities and turn them into profitable relationships.

Secret #1: Assume the burden of other people’s discomfort

Do you ever go to an event or a conference and just look around the room? What do you see? While you probably see lots of people talking to each other, you will also probably see several people sitting at tables looking through the event guide or talking on their phones. These people are probably nervous about talking to new people, so they are avoiding it by looking busy.

Well, you can help these people by introducing yourself. See, they probably want to approach total strangers, but they just find it hard to break the ice. You can come along and make life a little easier for them, which could lead to some interesting opportunities.

Secret #2: Give and expect nothing in return

If you ask successful networkers how they spend their time, they’ll tell you that they spend their time helping other people.

They’ll spend their time visiting young people in school, at colleges, over lunch and at startups. These networkers want to help people by sharing advice and helping them to avoid the mistakes they have made.

If you want to be a successful networker, you need to have conversations with people all the time, keeping in mind that these people may not be able to repay you…and that is okay.

Secret #3: Be proud of who you are

Don’t have an MBA or a PhD? No big deal. Don’t try to hide from your past or your background because sometimes all you need in this world is some serious hustle to succeed.

This is why I like to share stories of people like Alex Mangini, Doina Oncel and Juan Chapparo – entrepreneurs I met at conferences. They talk openly and eagerly about where they came from and where they are going. Their stories are a great way to connect with people.

I like to be really open about who I am and where I came from, even when meeting people for the first time. This way if I never meet them again, they will still feel like they know me.

Secret #4: Compliment early and often

In the hyper-competitive world of startups and tech businesses, it is really easy to get discouraged or bitter when you see someone else succeed. Resist that temptation and use that success as an opportunity to introduce yourself.

When I hear about someone who gets a good break, I try to meet that person and compliment him/her on his/her success. We may even have competing businesses, but I don’t care! Networking successfully means being above those petty feelings we have. It’s all about encouraging people.

See, you never know what kind of partnership or opportunity could unfold from meeting someone…and that’s the name of the game.

Secret #5: Look for common ground immediately

Before I head out to a networking event or get on the phone with a client, I like to do some research on the people I want to talk with. My goal is to guide the conversation to places of common interest so we never get to that awkward moment of silence.

I like to leave each conversation having made some kind of a personal connection, which usually happens with finding common interests.

This could be as simple as having a mutual friend, or it could be that you both like the same sport or outdoor activity.

Spend time learning about the people you want to talk to so you can get some insight on their interests. This will help you make that personal connection.

Secret #6: Tap your sphere of influence cautiously

As you have these conversations and make these connections, learn to treat personal contact information you get from people like gold.

What do I mean by that?

Don’t start bombarding them with email the moment you get back to your office, and don’t call them once a week to”chit-chat”. Most of these people are very busy. The last thing they want to do is to have their time wasted, and they will notice when you waste it.

Instead, only contact them when it is absolutely necessary and you know you can offer them an extraordinary benefit for talking to you. If you can appeal to their self-interest, they will most certainly love to talk to you.

Secret #7: Do not keep your personal and professional lives separate

If you are truly authentic in both your professional and personal lives, then you don’t have to shift to different personalities when you are in the office, at home or at an event.

That drains energy and is very stressful. If you are honest, authentic, kind and helpful across the board, then you will easily make connections with other people.

It’s really all about a mindset that says you are going to help people in any situation you can. That’s one of the reasons I like to meet people everywhere I go because if someone asks me for help and I can’t help them, I want to be able to connect that person with someone who can.

This is why I do searches on LinkedIn and connect with people with different skill sets from mine. Or I try to attend conferences or events that aren’t focused on my industry.

Secret #8: Pull, never push

Networking is all about conversation. It is also about finding out more about the other person than telling them about you or your company.

Napoleon Hill tells a story about how he went to a dinner party, and afterwards the hostess thought he was the most charming man in the world.

Why?

Not because he talked about himself, but because he kept the conversation focused on the hostess by asking her questions.

You have to earn the right to be heard about what you do and what you want to accomplish. People really don’t care about what you do until they know that you care about what they do.

So, don’t push a conversation. Instead, gently pull on it by asking people about themselves.

Secret #9: Include social media into your networking

If you are treating networking as a lifestyle, then social media will fall pretty easily into your strategy. Just think of it as another method of communication with the community.

No doubt you are too busy to be on every social media site like Pinterest, Tumblr or Instagram. So, I would suggest starting with Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

If you are in an industry related to male-dominated technology, then you may want to join Google Plus. If you are in the field like photography or fashion, then you may want to join Pinterest.

Learn how to integrate these social media activities into your life effortlessly. When meeting people, ask if they are on Facebook or Twitter and connect with them on those social platforms.

Secret #10: Lose control of your marketing

Fifty years ago, you would hear most advertisers and marketers saying that you had to maintain control of the conversation…that you had to control your marketing.

Well, with social media and the Internet, things have changed dramatically. Today, it is all about exchanging great content freely for the attention of readers and prospects.

Consumers used to have to sit in the backseat and take what companies fed them. Now it’s the other way around, and costumers who don’t like what they are getting will revolt.

Just look at what happened to Netflix.

So, what does this have to do with networking? The idea is to hold nothing, except for proprietary trade secrets, close to the vest. Give it all away in conversation, on social media and when helping others, and let the world spread the message about what you can do.

Conclusion

I love people, I love meeting people, and I love helping people. I really think that more than anything else, those things are responsible for the success I have today. If I hadn’t gotten out there to network at such a young age, I would not have had the opportunities I have today.

And just so you know, I struggled at first getting out of my comfort zone to talk to strangers, just like you probably do now. But once you start meeting people, it will start to get easier and easier.

What other secrets do you have for making networking fun, easy and effective?

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Comments

  1. Excellent, one of my favourite books was ‘How to Make Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie and I am also a big fan of Napoleon Hill’s work and it is so true, forget about yourself and listen to people, ask questions, be polite, make compliments and never push. Try and remember a persons name and what they do, those simple very easy to do things can make you go a long way. Very powerful stuff indeed!

    Do these and what you advise Neil and people will be surprised at what will happen! :-)
    Cheers
    Andi

    • Hi Andi,

      Thanks for reminding me of Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” I once read it while I was still in college. If someone could move out of his comfort zone into applying the tips and advices given in the book, I am very sure of what would be the outcome for such an individual.

      @Neil, I’m so much grateful to you for sharing these guidelines for successful networking lifestyle. I had always wanted to live the marketing lifestyle but always got stucked along the line.

      But with your suggestion, congratulating those with success stories, yearning to meet new people, helping others without expecting from them, I think with these daily, I can live the kind of lifestyle I’ve been dreaming of for years.

      PS: kindly help make the subscribe button to disappear for already subscribed users so as to improve user experience on mobile phone, especially Blackberry users (it is blocking Rim users from reading post on our dear QS blog)

      Thanks for your time, Neil.
      Olawale

    • Thanks Andi,

      I like that book as well. :)

  2. I’m always trying to improve on networking skills. No matter what business you’re in, it never hurts to be a better networker.

    -Amir

  3. Great article Neil,

    I fully agree. I was able to freelance full time at age 22 because I’ve been networking and establishing the right relationships these last 3 years. It’s all about who you know! By networking with well connected people, you can easily tap into their cliental with referrals.

  4. Really great tips Neil , i am proud of what i am an engg student and a part time blogger…..but i like what i am doing and love it thats what keeps me going

  5. I love meeting new people and one way I like to break the ice is asking broad ligjte questions on banter that refine into common ground with ease. We both come away feeling like we made a new friend and a real sense of connection. Above all, genuine interest in the person is transparent and golden.

  6. My greatest difficulty is not being a people person. Guess I need to work on that :)

    • Start attending events and conferences more. The more you attend the more you get to practice working those people person skills and like anything else practice makes perfect. :)

  7. Up until recently I was involved with a group of internet marketers who are founded by people who feel FaceBook and sites like it are a waste of time. Personally, I’m not so sure because the truth is that many of the people I know are on these sites and very easy and willing to communicate with me through them. Awesome post and I will be exploring the social networking more based on some of your helpful tips. I would only like to add that after a recent experience of my own that it would be a good idea to make sure that you know you are dealing with people who are who they say they are and not posing as a corporation that doesn’t really exist because the taxes aren’t paid in the state it’s registered in or anything like that. Unfortunatly, too, looking to only a handful of people you think you can trust for advice (without doing your homework first) can really burn you in the end because some folks say they want to work with the compitition but the truth is they really are only out for themselves. That’s my two cents worth. Rock On! Cheers!

  8. “And just so you know, I struggled at first getting out of my comfort zone and talking to strangers just like you.”

    — I’m definitely on this stage. And hoping to get here

    ” But once you start meeting people it will start to get easier and easier.”

  9. My best blog posts have been the ones that include content from people who I have networked with. Sometimes, it is a lot easier to meet people (like Neil,) then you might think . A lot of people are intimidated to network with the authorities in their field, but I’ve found that people are usually open to networking.

    I challenge you to go talk to someone who you respect today. Send them an email, and just say hi. Use the tips in this article, and give them something valuable. In one of the blog posts I wrote, I asked Neil, Rand, Wil and many others to contribute a paragraph of advice to my readers… guess what, they were happy to help out.

    Get out there and network. Good luck.

  10. Shelby Currier :

    I have started up a blog at wordpress, also have a facebook business page but my problem is I do all the talking and no one responds to any of my comments, posts, or pictures except my family and a few friends and I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I love meeting new people and getting to know them, I just can’t seem to get anyone to talk to me, so does anyone have any advice that they might share with me, so that I can get people talking to me so I can get to know them. Help Please !!

    • Shelby, I have the same problem. On a Facebook all my friends ignoring me. I spent hours to learn how to communicate on social media sites, listening webinars, reading and signed up for “The Social Media Academy” blog and updates. No result. Go to Facebook business pages and you’ll see- you are not along. Sorry, I wish I would know, how to break this ice.

    • Start networking, interact with other bloggers in your niche by commenting and reading their post. Build a relationship and eventually ask them if you can guest post. Also increase your social media presence and activity. Most importantly make sure you are offering content that is valuable and unique.

      I have linked you to two of my older post below. These post should help give you more ideas and pointers on guest blogging, building traffic, and social media.

      Why You Ought to Build an Online Brand Through Guest Blogging and Not Just Chase SEO Tricks
      http://bit.ly/Nfcy0o

      75 Tips to Manage Your Social Media Efforts in 2012
      http://bit.ly/NVVKyX

  11. Again great article Neil. All the secret points are valid. I love Secret #4.

    Thanks

  12. Great article. I’m a dedicated reader of all your posts. When I had first started reading your material I wasn’t a loyal subscriber.

    A long time ago I had asked you a question on twitter, to which you replied, and followed me back! Most big shots wouldn’t take the time of day to reply to random questions like this or follow random little people back. You doing this made me feel like you cared about me and established my trust. This led to me being converted to a lifetime follower of Neil Patel. #8 Pull never push

  13. I really needed this post, thank you! I’ve been attending local networking events recently and struggling to do it “right”. You’ve reassured me – thanks!

  14. Very good post Neil, I think this is my first comment here, but i’d like to add my 2 cents…

    First, I really like all the tips, especially #2, giving without expecting something in return, and #5 about doing a little research and carefully guiding the convo to something you have in common.

    Second, a tip i learned several months back, that works well in person, is to just start a conversation and then say ‘so what do you do for a living’ or ‘how is that working out’ or something to that effect, but however you do it you want to lead with a good open ended question that is designed to get them to talk about themself, their family or their business. Then you just listen attentively and ask more questions, after a while they will usually feel like they are doing all the talking and usually will ask you about yourself in return and you should already have a non-hypey elevator pitch – you’ll be suprised how many side-jobs i’ve landed by making small talk(mostly listening) and then when they say ‘so what do you do for a living?’, I say “I’m a banker primarily, but I’ve also been repairing computers and building websites for about 10 years” – and usually the next question is about one of those topics.

    Just keep it natural, and don’t mention what you do unless they ask first, but do try to lead them to what they do for a living, often you’ll need to use them, if not, another tip is to take their name and number and refer others to them. They’ll
    usually ask for your info in return and also send you referrals when they someone they know needs what you provide.

    But the whole exchange was really them talking the whole time, and you don’t offer your service or contact info, unless they have asked you. I go so far as to not offer what i do for a living or my contact info unless asked – even if they have have given theirs to me already. So i’m seen as a good listener and usually they know someone who can get a hold of me if they are unable to take down my info. In a business setting you obviously want to have business cards or just simply take a pen with you. Most people have a cell phone or will ask you to write it on a scrap of paper, especially if your at an informal event and it looks less rehearsed(but ofcourse, you were already prepared and intended to network all along, you just made the whole exchange seem natural and organic).

    Two final tips are to watch the scene to determine who is doing the most networking, these people are often very open to meeting new people, and finally don’t forget to *ask* someone that already knows you well to *introduce* you to so and so.

    hope these tips help. I’ve used them at all kinds of events even at family gatherings.

    • Thank you Michael for all your tips. I appreciate how you broke it down so simply for everyone. I think your tips would really work well and hope others try them out.

  15. I can add to keeping different roles together – I have business cards for all my roles – photographer, PhD researcher and blogger and even if I want to give a card for one of the roles, then when looking for the right one, people start to ask about other roles… Works effortless! And for my photography cards I use different pictures covering all my photography “loves” – kids, food, teddy bears, fine arts, mixed media ect. Nice start for new conversation. Thank you, Neil, for post – very usefull

  16. Hi Neil
    Great post! Personally for me, I like:
    Secret #1: Assume the burden of other people’s discomfort
    I like what you said about approaching people who are looking through reading material “looking busy” who are probably nervous themselves. I have done it myself! What a great idea Neil. In the future I can approach these people with empathy.

    And the other point I relate to most is:

    Secret #3: Be proud of who you are
    I am a business advisor who’s never had any university qualifications or letters after my name – I kinda learned the ropes and went from there. I tend to be embarrassed about that when in a room of seemingly “qualified” professionals and I tend to gloss over who I am which usually turns out lame anyway, making me feel all the more worse :)
    I have been in business now for 30 years and I still have those hangups. Your point has really helped me liberate from my own phobia (embarrassment).

    There are so many nuggets in your post – the above are only 2 of many I like.
    Regards
    Byrt

  17. Neil, your article couldn’t have come at a better time! I’m in Florida for a small meeting with some business associates. Hoping to do some networking with some of the people I’ll be meeting down here.

    Definitely will use the ‘Pull – Never push’ approach :)

  18. fortunately for me, networking seems to happen naturally in my industry, so i dont have to force it

  19. Interesting post and I found myself a gem – Tip #1.

    Well, I’m precisely one of those guys that you described in Tip #1. I guess I should start talking to these people that are exactly like myself the next time I attend a networking event. :)

  20. Great tips here, networking can and should be really fun, as well as a great way to meet new people and, if it’s your goal, grow your business :)

  21. Great post Neil,

    I’d add follow-up…it’s stunning to me how many people go to events, connect and never take the most critical step, follow up. Keep good track of your contacts.

  22. I’m probably one of those people acting all busy like during conferences filled with strangers. But I know networking is essential in this industry. SEOs on the Internet have long been exchanging ideas and sharing best practices. It only makes sense to apply this interaction in the real world, not just in cyberspace.

    As Sting wrote in one of his songs, “Be yourself no matter what they say.” I believe it’s easier to communicate with people if you play it cool and act natural because if you try too hard, you might come across as a fake.

  23. I like #3. In silicon valley you will probably meet people that are way smarter and more accomplished than you. It’s important to still be confident in yourself.

    • Definitely, in fact those are the people you should be looking to meet. In order to grow and benefit you want to be surrounded with people who are accomplished and smart.

  24. I’ve recently started attending conferences in my area …The connections I got from these conferences lead me to much bigger companies and eventually brought me to one huge signed deal for the next 2 years..!

  25. Neil, this is “Wow!” stuff. You highlight networking strategies that I hadn’t thought of in my own networking, such as “Look for common ground immediately.” so that you can keep the conversation focused on the other person. The other “Wow!” factor point you make is “lose control of your marketing”.

    It struck me that these 2 points could be taken a step further. For instance, whenever reaching out to others look for how your paths intertwine, whether or not you share a niche.

    In fact, because networking is so important to doing business on the internet, I’d go as far as to say that being niche-focused is shortsighted because every topic is related, or has cross-over significance, with other topics.

    For example, a Running blog doesn’t just involve health, fitness, diet, it involves relationships, confidence, motivation, lifestyle (including how you make your income). You widen your networking possibilities immediately when you look at topics this way.

    Niche-focus requires control. Which is why bloggers struggle
    sometimes when their niche dries up.

    I used to follow the thinking that blogging is about leading. Now I understand that blogging is not about leading and getting others to follow. It’s about offering possibility. Getting your community involved and inspired by this possibility, and acting as a change-agent to keep momentum going.

    Recognising this inspires losing control, not just of marketing, but of business in general. Losing the old “customers follow” model, and creating involved communities.

    Networking works the same way. And getting to know people is one of the top ways to feel good about yourself because you’re sharing, giving and receiving, and taking part in good things. In fact, blogging is all about networking.

    Thanks for sharing, Neil.

    Tom

    • Thanks for sharing how you would take those steps further. It is always great to hear feedback and input from my readers. You never know what helpful tips or ideas you may find while reading comments.

  26. Thank you for sharing this life tips,,,I’m one of the most nervous person during every conference that I attend!!

    • Well I expect you to try something new at the next one you attend. Look for that other person that seems to be just as nervous as you are, I am confident you may find more than one.

  27. Thanks Neil.

    I can’t think of a better way to start a Friday.

    Perhaps #6 could have been “Do a quick post-event follow up to extend the connection but don’t be clingy”?

    Ideally, that brief message might share a link related to any conversation you shared at the event. For example, “Good to meet you at _____. I thought this might interest you: http://….”

  28. Neil

    “giving and expecting nothing in return” and “compliment early and often” are probably my two best qualities when it comes to networking.

    its important that we use these secrets, it allows us to make more solid contacts.

  29. This is a good writing here well done for some people to come out and help other people feeling comfortable in networking again well done Neil

  30. Talk common interests, so you are not faking it.

  31. Its not about making money its about getting people to get to know you and spread your name. Once you are know and liked then you will be recommended and that when you will make money. Networking whether via social media or face to face is invaluable

  32. All I can say about this post is excellent! The next time I am out and about networking, I WILL put the points above into practice.

  33. Great article, Neil!
    I always get so turned off networking with people who are only in it to take something from the engagement. My philosophy is that relationships are built on common ground and giving without expecting to receive anything in return.

  34. Thanks for the reminders – I lead a networking group and have been turned off at times by people trying to sell to each other or openly prospect on the spot. I’m going to use your point about finding common ground during our introductions to try and build the cohesiveness of the group. Thanks for sharing your insights.

  35. Networking is definitely something I have to start getting into. I’m finishing up contract work soon and going to need to generate more work so this article was timed perfectly ;)

  36. This is well written and so true, glad you were able to put into words exactly my mindset and lifestyle. I do believe we are all here to make a difference in others, share are passions, dreams, desires and goals. Thanks for sharing what I call the main ingredient and how to have and what I call the true success of life: “If you are honest, authentic, kind and helpful across the board, then you will easily make connections with other people.” thanks for sharing how it is done so easily. ~Monica

  37. There comes a time in every small businessperson’s life when common networking practices like handing out business cards, attending various meetings and schmoozing with potential clients only goes so far. Eventually, the same old techniques get overused to the point that they become insufficient.

  38. Great post Neil.

    Always good to keep learning how to get better at building your network.

  39. Neil is at his best again.. thanks for this awesome posts .. but will be great if you come up with some awesome conversions kinda thing .. i just love them man

  40. What can I say about your post! Just that it was enlightening to read it. All your points are so true and direct that it will sure make networking fun. some of the points are very dear to me like the one that tells not to hide yourself, accept who you are and what you have got and make the most of it.

  41. I try to keep my self as close as i can to my clients on different Social Networks like Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Linked and it has proved to be a great strategy too maximize your Social Influence as much as you give to others you would recieve feedback from them. I get new clients as well as ideas for my new blog posts from interacting with them when you know the problems of your client you know what to write about …! :)

  42. Personally – I think the second “secret” that you’ve mentioned is one of the most important – Especially when it comes to driving engagement and building relationships, as always expecting something in return is not the fundamentals used for building social media networks. Always expecting something in return to me is a bit self-centred and closes a lot of doors when it comes to your attitude (and image) to business and marketing the “social” way.

  43. Hannah Hamilton :

    Nice Post here. Engaging with people is much more like a pleasure to me than a torture and it really strikes me when you quote this “I love people, I love meeting people and I love helping people.”. You just don’t aim to have business with them rather make some connections with their lives. This makes networking less stressful since you’re dealing with FRIENDS and not of business partners. I really like the idea of transparency.
    Thanks for sharing this Neil. :)

    • I am glad you find networking enjoyable, unfortunately most people do not. It is a lot less stressful when you are comfortable with the people who you are doing business with.

  44. Hi Neil,

    Great post! In my opinion networking is now one of the main factors that influence success. But as you have mentioned is very important to be friendly and honest, able to help and to not try to to sell them something from the first seconds. If you manages to win friendship, trust and admiration of people definitely they will recommend the products or services you offer.

    Best,
    Glen

  45. I think it is completely true that most people are trying to look busy to avoid being nervous. So introducing yourself to them will probably be very welcome.

    But even if they are nervous, saying hi isn’t going to make you look bad.

  46. Hi Neil!

    Certainly, excellent post and tips and love reading your posts and I could not agree you more on the point of never forget your past and for me I think it gives you more courage to grow further where you were on yesterday but should not be forget the person who helps you in the past.

  47. The interesting thing about this article is that a lot of the suggestions go back to being courteous and gracious!

  48. Another good thing to do is to offer a random act of thoughtfulness. Sometimes when you read an article, you will think of a contact and wonder if they’ve read it because it would benefit them. There’s no harm in sending them a quick email with the link to the article and letting them know you thought of them when you read it.

    Make this a common consistency and people will know how much you care.

  49. Just got back from my network meeting. Had an awesome time and met a bunch of great people. Used some of your techniques and I can’t wait to see how these new relationships turn out for business.

  50. One of the benefits of networking is sharing information. In fact, right now, I’m sharing this post with my SEO class.

  51. One tip I’ve tried to use is to get into the habit of always making sure you leave a discussion with another name or link to follow up.

  52. I think networking is the one of the most important quality of a successful entreprenuer. This post has taught me a lot on improving my networking skills.

  53. Thanks for the post Neil!

    Networking should be fun and it should always be about helping people first because then they will help you :)

  54. That a very relevant and informative post Niel. Many of these points have helped me in growing my online/social presence and I am sure if try few other ones mentioned it will only boost my efforts and help me in social media optimization.

  55. Some good things to pay attention to here. I’ve recently been trying to get out of my comfort zone (reading some books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People). I’m still getting the hang of it :).

  56. Great article Neil,
    I mostly like your 3rd point that “Be Proud Of Who You Are”.
    If we itself don’t love or proud of ourself than how will others do? Our self confidence makes lots of difference on our personality and communicating with others.

  57. Hey,

    Social media plays a great role in making networks.Social media helps to increase the traffic of the blogs.

    Thanks,
    Arlington Hardwood Floor Care

  58. Well, neil you have done a great job by highlighting the most important aspect, that is networking. and i am glad, that you told us easy ways of networking. in fact precious pieces of advices about networking.

    Thank you so much.

  59. Best secrets. I like it!!

  60. Hi!,,,,,,,

    Great article. I’m a dedicated reader of all your posts. When I had first started reading your material I wasn’t a loyal subscriber..

    Thanks……….

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  62. Hello Neil !
    This is a common perception that keep your business and personal life separate. But I am impressed by your point which is “Do not keep your personal and professional lives separate”. It quite helpful.
    Thanks.
    Sloane

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