Whining is something that we all do, but the question is why? When you whine nothing really happens other than you sounding like a baby. And if you sound like a baby then you are probably going to be treated like one. But seriously, why do people whine?
Over the last few weeks I have heard dozens of people whine and the most common one was:
Why doesn’t anyone fund my business idea? Trixie and Biff got venture capital funding and my idea is much better than theirs!
When you whine your problems don’t get solved because you are spending all your time whining instead of fixing. So the next time you are upset and are about to whine, do the following:
- Take all the IF’s and BUTs out of your head. It doesn’t matter if Trixie or Biff had a better outcome; this is you we are talking about and not them.
- Think about the situation and why it happened the way it did.
- If another party was involved, think about the situation from their perspective. If another party was not involved, think about the situation from a neutral perspective (I know this is hard, but you can do it).
- List out all the possible ways you can potentially change the situation to be favorable for you.
- Try and fix the situation using one of the ways you listed out. If things go your way, that’s great. If things don’t go your way or if the situation can’t be changed, then learn from it and move on.
Life is not perfect and we all whine about things (even me), but you’re more likely to succeed if you think about things from a logical perspective instead of an emotional whiny perspective.
PS: Hopefully it didn’t sound like I was whining about people whining. 
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I was just about the whine about the fact I never get to be the first to respond to a post… but I didn’t! And guess what happened…. I got a chance to post first.
At least as I’m writing this no one has posted… we’ll see if someone beats me to it by the time I submit.
I do think it’s very true, and it goes back to something I read quite awhile ago that makes great sense to me. If you want better answers in life, ask yourself better questions. Basically your mind will answer your “inner voice” questions, even if on a subconscious level.. So instead of asking “Why does this always happen to me” (to which there is no real answer) your brain will make something up, like “because your an idiot”.
That self-defeating “self-talk” sets the stage for a whiny personality, and before you know it’s an ingrained habit that becomes hard to break.
Instead, ask yourself better questions… ask instead “What I can learn from this experience, and how can I enjoy the process” Ask yourself questions that have tangible answers, productive answers, that drive you to where you want to go…. not pull you further away.
Great point about being productive. If you aren’t productive things will not get better.
Hi Neil,
I wanted to get this off my chest…I was surfing “whining” and came across this website…I have been with a woman for 4 years now and all she does is whine, whine about me…Whine about her house, whine about her children…She has been doing this moreso lately than ever, but it never stops…There seems to be a self pity thing going on and childish comments about people not liking her of fitting in with my family…I really don’t know what to say about it…She has had some changes in life…Her teenage son lives with his father now…She has changed jobs this year after being with a law firm for 15 years…She whines about the past alot too…Silly things, to me anyway, like how I was that interested in her when we first me, bringing it up 4 years later after I have been there for that long and committed? It’s not that I wasn’t interested, I like to take things slow…Bottom line, how do I stop it…I tried common sense reinforcement of the “Postive” thing and she always retreats to self pity and whining! Help!
If she decides not to change, get her out of your life because it’s obviously affecting you so dearly.
You sound like a great guy and I really admire you… I surfed the internet in hope to find help for myself… I always whine and it is really embarrassing to admit that, but it is true!!! I wish it is not and I wish I stop whining! I don’t know how. Sometimes I though – how come my husband doesn’t take me seriously and he always treats me like a child, instead of his woman… But the truth is – I act like a child!!! Who can blame him?!
I just want to stop whining… And I just don’t know how…
stop trying to do things your way… admit that you are not always right. learn to keep your ego in check.
People who have been given the short end of the stick become whiners when nothing seems to go their way from an early age. Take my husband, the 3rd of 6 kids who was quiet and shy who’s mom sometimes forgot to fix his plate when they were kids. All his life, nothing goes right…poor poor thing! He’s thus learned to be the martyr…and I think that without that title he’d be just an ordinary guy….why would I ever want to take that away from him?
I’m one of those people that always tries to find the positive in a situation , so whiners really get to me.
I mean how hard is it to find at least one positive in the situation they are whining about?
As you already know, it isn’t that hard. The problem is their emotions are coming into play which is clouding their judgment.
Absolutely right on Neil! To be honest I used to whine about most things in life but then I realized that “you are only good as you let yourself become”.
No matter how much we whine or worry about ‘what if this happens’ or ‘what if that happens’, it boils down to what you are going to do about the situation at that moment in time and think about nothing else but a positive outcome.
Glad you don’t whine anymore. Not too many can do what you do, which is learn from your experiences.
Congrats!
It didn’t sound like you were whining about whiners with this post. I try and tell people this same thing all the time and 9 times out 10 they just stare at me like I’m crazy or they think I don’t care. There is a big difference beween thinking logically about a situation and not caring and alot of people have trouble seeing that difference.
Great post!
Exactly, I’m glad you were able to see that. It’s that type of difference which can decide which direction you move towards in your life.
Sadly some people just want to whine. Have you ever met those people that no matter how big or small the problem is, they just whine.
I was raised that nobody wants to hear your problems and whining just wasn’t tolerated.
Good way to be raised. I think if more people are raised like that, hopefully future generations will not whine as much.
Very Logical explanation. But its impossible to not be whiny for anybody. Its a part of instinct. Everybody agitates at some point.
I totally agree and even I whine, but we have to try an control it. Whining isn’t productive and it doesn’t solve problems.
When something goes south in business my wife usually gives me one night to whine about it and then asks me the next day what I’m going to do differently – she doesn’t want to hear the whining (and like you said it’s not productive to keep doing it).
You have a smart wife! Whining will not get you anywhere. It is all about actions you are going to take to solve your problem.
This was a good post thanks for referring it to me. The way I see it whining is a vent for most people because you can’t win every time, and the only real difference between someone who succeeds and one who doesn’t is what they do about it. Do they move on, try to change, or just keep failing and whining.
Thanks
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No problem. Glad you liked the post.
There we go, the website for people that whine
http://theWhining.com
enjoy!
LOL, nice site.
You don’t get it, Neil. It’s consoling to whine and have someone listen to you. It’s that baby instincts in you still wanting to come out and play baby. If you take a good observation of babies – lots of times they whine even when nothing is really wrong with them, they do so just to gain attention. So, we all need some attention every now and then… yes, even at our expense. LOL.
If you want the attention you can get it without whining.
Ha ha ha, that’s true, Neil, but how many people know how? Most of the time all they know how to do is just whine.
Most people don’t, but it doesn’t mean you should take the easy route out.
I agree whole-heartedly Neil. I mean, there are times when whining can be beneficial, though only on very rare occasions. I find whining really just annoys people as discussed, and in the end, it makes people resent the person whining. The sad thing is that they become so accustomed to whining that they never allow themselves to realize the alternatives when it comes to attracting attention.
Yep, you have to learn to get out of that bad habit.
Do people from all cultural backgrounds whine? Is it part of human nature? Dogs seem to whine…do cats? Do any other mammals whine?
Everyone whines, but we need to control it. The less the better.
Bad habit dies hard just keep on tolerate.
Yea, I need to learn to tolerate others better.
I have been going over your posts (backwards) over past few days. I just like the way you bring out subtleties about human behavior and emotions so nicely. Example, most of your suggestions in this article are general ones and mostly people know about them at some level. But to put them so straight forward is an art you master so well.
Thanks for reading the older posts. There is a lot of great info here, sometimes you just have to dig a bit deep.
Yes people whine a lot. Practically all people do it, as you say, even you do it. You are absolutely right, it does us no good. Whining about the situation won’t change it. Yet I guess it’s because people like to openly express that they are not happy, possibly for sympathy, possibly because they think it will make them feel better. It reminds me of the other day, when I went to this festival and we were walking around, and it was really hot and humid outside. People keep saying “its soo hot outside, I cant take this anymore, ugh I am sweating so much”, etc. I believe I said at one point, jokingly, “Ya know, complaining that it’s hot isn’t going to make it any cooler” lol, it’s so true, but we do it anyways. Humans…
Till then,
Jean
lol. Yeah, we complain and whine to get attention. Babies just cry since they can’t speak, and adults simply whine and complain. Hence the phrase “quit being such a baby”
I have to say I can be a complainer,yet it is something I have been working on this year. I have found that when you complain all the time no one wants to listen or hang around so start looking to the bright side of things!
Right, you appear to be negative in the eyes of other people.
Most people just talk and never try to walk the talk!
That’s exactly why there are hundreds of thousands of blogs out there, yet only a select few make it. That doesn’t even begin to explain online businesses in general.
These are all great advices and true too, we all whine some more than others. I do have a question though. If you just have the thoughts about something that’s bothering you or you are feeling bluh or whatever but don’t speak out, is that still considered complaining/whining? Does it count towards being negative about things just because you are feeling it?
S
It all depends S, the way you say it… I mean do you come across as bitchy and moany?
The way i grew up whine wasnt alot i had a pretty tough childhood growing up so good thing i dont have that problem.
That’s great John, at least you grew up knowing that whining is not a good thing.
Whineing isn’t productive but we all have a tendency to fall back into old patterns and not appreciating or havening gratitude for what we already have.
If you must whine, just do it for like 10 minutes and then cut it out and move forward. That way you get it out of your system.
I think there is a corelation between only children and whiners, kids that grow up in a big faimly don’t tend to wine as much. Only children tend to get thier own way and when they don’t they don’t emotionally know how to deal with it.
It all really depends on how they’re raised as children…… by their parents! If you don’t have kids, make sure you really focus on the psychology of raising them. If you already do, start asap.
Hey, Neil,
Great Post.
I had a life-changing event that knocked me out of my “woe is me; I wanna whine about how my life sucks” repetitive subroutine. And man, was I ever bad with that.
When my father passed away this December, I got the most enlightening revelation in my life. “All life’s problems are inconsequential when compared to losing someone you love.” What matters is how you live your life. You live your life the best way that you can; full out, stick on throttle at “maximum afterburner” ~ sorry about my aviation analogies.
I keep saying my father changed my life. With his passing he passed onto me his inner strength or gave me the key to unlocking my own. So now I have no time for whiners. I may not be at my success level that I want to be yet. But every problem in life is surmountable with varying degrees of effort and I know that if I put my mind to it, I will achieve that success. The only time you are stuck with an insurmountable problem is if you don’t have the fortitude to put in the effort to overcome that problem.
To anyone who might be a whiner, like I used to be. Don’t whine, it’s just a waste of energy.
Sorry to hear about your father Hugo. That’s amazing that you were able to bounce back quickly and understand that you need move forward.
Thank you, I feel better now. I found this website hoping to get a chance to vent. I don’t usually whine, but I really wanted to. I always try to present a problem to whomever it concerns and deal with it and move on. But lately, all I want to do is wallow in the muck. I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar and growing up an only child with that problem has been hard. I had no way to vent… ever with mother working and father working or just not there (he’s bipolar too btw). I’ve had a journey through counseling so I had learned finally to change the way I deal with things and how I talk to people. I had once been a monster in my own mind… thinking I was worthless, never speaking up for myself, changing into someone who yelled and screamed to get my way… it was terrible. But I don’t call myself bipolar anymore; I am a human with flaws like everyone else just trying to get through life with as much accomplished as possible. Productivity isn’t always accomplished unless you look past the goal. Sometimes your own goals get in the way… ie. wasn’t meant to be… but look at the good that comes from effort of caring to make a difference.
‘Nough said…lol
Thank you all for this wonderful healing session.
Lol, thanks K. It’s amazing of you to battle that challenge and over power it… good for you. Good luck!
looing the thing from different perspectives and with a cool head is the most important thing, but if you dont have that habit it takes time to get used to it
It takes at least 30 days to create a habit.